HAVE SOME FUN! THIS WILL MAKE YOUR DAY!
Bakit malungkot ang kalendaryo? * Kasi bilang na ang araw niya.
Eh bakit masuwerte naman ang kalendaryo?* Dahil marami siyang date.
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Grabe talaga ang mga iba diyan. Mahirap intindihin……
* sa kanila ang malambot “SUP”, ang sabaw “SUP”, ang sabon “SUP” pa rin.
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ANAK: ‘ Tay , anong pagkakaiba ng Supper at Dinner?
ITAY: Anak, pagkumain tayo sa labas, Dinner yun. Pag dito tayo kakain ng luto ng Mommy mo, Suffer yon!!
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Mr. 1: Wow, first year wedding anniversary niyo na, anong gift mo sa misis mo? Mr. 2: Dadalhin ko siya sa Africa !
Mr. 1: Sarap naman, eh next year ano naman ang gift mo?
Mr. 2: Kukunin ko siya pabalik!!!
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What would happen if you have a wooden car with wooden wheels, a wooden chair and a wooden engine?
Ans: It wooden start!!!
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This is a Filipino making a long distance phone call….
Operator: AT&T, How may I help you? Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis.
Operator: Name of the party you’re calling? Pinoy: Aybegurpardon? Can you repit agen plis?
Operator: Name of the party you’re calling? Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio Abanquel. Sori and tenkyu.
Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you’re calling phonetically.
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali?
Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at a time and citing a word for each letter.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of ElpidioAbanquel is Elpidio Abanquel. I will spell his name foneticali,
Elpidio: E as in Elpidio,L as in lpidio, p as in pidio, i as inidio, d as in dio, i as in io, and o as in o.
Operator: Sir, can you please use English words.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel: A as in Airport,B as in Because, A as in airport agen, N asin
enemy, Q as in Cuba, U as in Europe, E as inimportant, and L as in elephant.
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This is a Filipino in an American coffee shop:
Waiter: What kind of coffee would you like, regular or decaf?
Pinoy: No, Big cup!! Big cup!
Waiter: What would you like for your breakfast?
Pinoy: Hameneggs.
Waiter: And how do you like your eggs, sir?
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I like dem beri much.
Waiter: No sir, I mean how would you like them cooked?
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I wud like dem cooked.
Waiter: (with increasing impatience) Would you like your eggs…fried? poached? hard boiled or soft boiled?
Pinoy: (with increasing uneasiness) Yes, one fried en one hard boiled or sop boiled.
Waiter: And what bread would you like?
Pinoy: Begyurpardon?
Waiter: What kind of bread would you like? white? rye? whole wheat? toast?
Pinoy: Pan Americano
Waiter: We don’t have that.
Pinoy: Okey, gib me taystee.
Waiter: We don’t have that either, sir.
Pinoy: Do you heb pan de lemon or bonete?
Waiter: Sir, you are wasting my time. I shall ask for the last time, what would you like for breakfast?
Pinoy: Donut plis….
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Two married men talking…
1st man: Swerte ko, my wife is an angel.
2nd man: Buti ka pa, ako ang asawa ko buhay pa.
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Wife : Love, mahal mo ba ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
Wife : Enjoy ka ba sa akin?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kitae h.
Wife : Baka naman niloloko mo lang ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
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Anak : Tays! kakains nas tayos!
Tatay : Hoy! Tigilan mo yang kalalagay mo ng ‘S’ sa mga sinasabi mo ha! Ano ba ang ulam ? Anak : BANGU na may KAMATI, ARDINA na may IBUYA !
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BISAYA 1 : Unsay ibig sabihon ng “cooling place ” ? BISAYA 2 : Pag-naga ring ang fon, sabihin mo ” Hilow, hus cooling place?
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A man wanted to buy bra for his wife but doesn’t know the size.
Salesgirl ask : “Is it as big as papaya ? ”
Man replied : “No”
Salesgirl : “an apple”
Man : “No”
Salesgirl : “ahh..an egg?”
Man : “YES , but fried!”
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Girl 1 : Halata na tiyan mo, bakit di pa kayo magpakasal ng BF mo?
Girl 2 : Ayaw ng pamilya niya eh !
Girl 1 : Sino may ayaw, tatay o nanay niya ?
Girl 2 : yung misis niya !
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Q: What does an American say when he farts?
A: Excuse me
Q: British?
A: Pardon me
Q: Pinoy?
A: Not me!
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A Filipino, a Black man, and a White guy are in a bar having a drink, when a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, “Whoever
can use the words ‘liver’ and ‘cheese’ in a creative sentence can date me for tonight.”
So the White guy says “I love liver and cheese.” She says “That’s not good enough” The Black man says “I hate liver and cheese”
She says “That’s not creative” Finally, the Filipino says “Liver alone, cheese mine!”
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SIOPAO TEST
How do you know if siopao meat is made of cat, rat or dog?
Ans: Pinch a piece of siopao and let the cat smell it. If
the cat likes it…rat! If it doesn’t…cat! If it runs…dog!
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What’s the difference between corruption in the USA and corruption in the Philippines?
Ans: In the US, they go to jail. In the Philippines, they go to US!
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Bakit laging Intsik ang kinikidnap?
Kasi pag Pinoy - hulugan!
Pag Bumbay - 5-6!
Pag Kano - credit card!
E pag Intsik - C.O.D.!!!!
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TEACHER: What is the formula for water?
ERAP: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O
TEACHER: That’s not what I taught you.
ERAP: But you said the formula for water was…H to O.
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