Hi to all my readers,
Been busy for a while, and forgot to write something for you guys.. this may sound boring to others but i want to share with you my diary.. While it’s still fresh from my memory…
March 26 , 2009 (thusday)
I’m about to sleep. It was around 9:00pm. i heard my sister’s voice ” we need to go to the hospital..”. All the while my senses suddenly woke up in a flash.. thinking what’s goin on?.. mom is suffering from pain.. so we need to rush her to the Hospital. When we got to the hospital’s ER, there was so many questions from the doctors.. medical history and stuff.. i found myself filling out the forms.. my sister and my sister in law was with my mom, while my brother, my nephew, my brother-n-law and me was asked to go outside because were too many..
at around 11 pm, she was advised to be admitted.
March 27 (friday)
Mom is scheduled for ultrasound….
On December 2008, she had her check up because she felt something in her stomach.. sad to say it was only bone.. ehehehe. January 2009 we decided to have another check up because she’s loosing some weight. As for the result, she was advised to undergone endoscopy. (Endoscopy means looking inside and typically refers to looking inside the body for medical reasons using an instrument called an endoscope. Endoscopy can also refer to using a borescope in technical situations where direct line-of-sight observation is not feasible– thanks to wiki.). Every time i asked her for the procedure she always have her own reason not to.. (she’s tired, she have back pain etc.) until march 26.
Dad was there with us, waiting outside for the result. She need to undergo Endoscopy after the ultrasound… after ultrasound she was transferred to endo.. since only few can go inside the room, my sister in law, my sister and me was there inside playing some games and having fun while waiting for mom’s turn. Finally the doctor called her name, me and my sisnlaw had a chance to go inside and watch the procedure.. there was this white tube thing on her mouth and there was this long tube was inserted to her mouth.. a camera where in you can watch whats inside her esophagus to her stomach. it was alittle bit creepy seeing my my mom’s intestine during the process. Doctor get some samples and its done.. the doctor stepped at least 2 steps back ward then whisper to me.. she has cancer! whaaaaaaaat? im waiting for her punchline so i can laugh.. but the reality bit me hard.. can’t move for a while, for a sudden shock, time stops i guess for an hour and my mind can understand what the doctor is saying so we ask the doctor to go out of the room and talk to my sister..
Doctor: ” she has cancer.”
Us: ” huh?.. in the middle of shock..” it was like waiting for the doctor to tell us.. “oh my, im just joking!” … but he didnt say it.. it took us i guess a few minutes in order to undesrtand what he was saying..
Sis: “Is it worst?”
Doctor: “yes!”
Sis: “To what extent?”
Doctor: “she’s on the 4th stage!”
Sis: “what can we do? do we need to have operation if necessary?”
Doctor: ” its useless! if, she’s lucky it will be 6months if nor it could be less!”
That time, all i heard was my sister cry.. we took her out because mom doesn’t know it yet.. Dad brought mom to the next room wandering whats happening.. i felt numb.. i saw my two sisters crying, everything was black and white.. everything seems on the slow mo… she was sent back to the ultrasound department.. for another test.. then she keep on asking whats the problem inside her body… still we can’t inform her about her situation…
she was brought to her room while it finally hit me.. i cried for a while then i told mysef to be strong for my siblings.. in the youngest.. and i need to give them strength…
4:00pm she need to have a ctscan..
mom still wondering what’s goin on..
at the ctscan room, i accompanied her inside and telling her what to do.. since i once volunteered for chest study out for fun.. all she have to do is to drink lots of water.. listen to the instruction.. if she need to breathe in or hold her breath stuff flike that.. she was a little nervous that time she was a little bit scared, that she will go through another endo..
she has a stomach wall thickening.. and theres was so many water inside her.. it needs to be drained. my sisnlaw and I checked my mom’s record like a thief… its ses there Hernia, Gastric Ca, Bormann IV.
we tried to ask the nurse, she said it’s confidential.. what the…. we took a picture of the result instead via phone.. and will research about it…
after ct, we rushed to out relatives to inform them mom’s situation… it was really a heart breaking news to everybody…
March 28 (saturday)
12:20am she was rushed to xray department. she keeps on coughing really bad.. they said she has Pheumonia…
March 29 (Sunday)
she wants to go home.. it was uneasy for her to stay in the hospital for so long since this was the first time she was confined. she got fever.. 38.7 degrees.. she can’t go home…
March 30 (Monday)
Another machine. Nebulizer. 4x a day for less than 10 minutes.
March 31 (Tuesday)
Mom needs to know… sister tell her about her illness… a 68 year old lady crying really broke my heart into million pieces.. but she really needs to know.. it was also advised by her doctor to inform her so that the willingness to be cured will come form her.. she cried for a bit, then we told her.. we need to undergo treatment… she need to be strong and nourish herself to take the fight..
I can see her face a few inches from my chair, i can see her as baby sleeping. Can God see her? please take a look at my mom, she’s the best mom in the world, very forgiving mom, soft spoken but she knows whne to get mad.. so easy to make her laugh with my foolish jokes, evern though she’s mad, she still care… she’s my best friend, she can listen to my stories with out getting tired, she always ask for updates if im having a hardtime in the office or dealing with difficult people. She like a buddy to me.. she gets mad easily evrytime people treat me unfarily.. when i had my broken heart, she was there to console me… she’s like an angel.. but really scarry when she’s mad… she cried when she have problem and laugh at her mistakes…
i may not be a perfect child.. i may causes her a lot of head aches, some heart pain..but please… give her more time to experience her dreams and my dreams for her..
April 1 (wednesday)
No more fever. We can go home now!.. mom was so excited. We scheduled her for another procedure 2d echo.. they need to chek her heart if she can face the next fight.. chemoteraphy.. we cleaned her room since her immune system if very weak. I offer a mass for her, for the stregth and determination… we really need prayers this time… lots of prayers.
April 2 (Thursday)
Life changes in a blink of the eye. Can’t hear laugher for a while… i hear the sound of a lady having a hard time to vomit… so frustrating… heart breaking… can’t go near her since i have fever and colds.. i need to get better so i can be with her….
April 3 (Friday)
What’s next?. I will try to update you guys what will happen next… this may not be important to you… but we really need prayers…. please include my mom through your prayers… please dont get tire or reading my blog…
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