The Adventure Of Super Kamote

HAVE SOME FUN! THIS WILL MAKE YOUR DAY!

Bakit malungkot ang kalendaryo? * Kasi bilang na ang araw niya.

Eh bakit masuwerte naman ang kalendaryo?* Dahil marami siyang date.

===========================
Grabe talaga ang mga iba diyan. Mahirap intindihin……

* sa kanila ang malambot “SUP”, ang sabaw “SUP”, ang sabon “SUP” pa rin.

============================
ANAK: ‘ Tay , anong pagkakaiba ng Supper at Dinner?
ITAY: Anak, pagkumain tayo sa labas, Dinner yun. Pag dito tayo kakain ng luto ng Mommy mo, Suffer yon!!
==========================
Mr. 1: Wow, first year wedding anniversary niyo na, anong gift mo sa misis mo? Mr. 2: Dadalhin ko siya sa Africa !
Mr. 1: Sarap naman, eh next year ano naman ang gift mo?
Mr. 2: Kukunin ko siya pabalik!!!
========================
What would happen if you have a wooden car with wooden wheels, a wooden chair and a wooden engine?
Ans: It wooden start!!!
========================
This is a Filipino making a long distance phone call….
Operator: AT&T, How may I help you? Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis.
Operator: Name of the party you’re calling? Pinoy: Aybegurpardon? Can you repit agen plis?
Operator: Name of the party you’re calling? Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio Abanquel. Sori and tenkyu.
Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you’re calling phonetically.
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali?

Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at a time and citing a word for each letter.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of ElpidioAbanquel is Elpidio Abanquel. I will spell his name foneticali,

Elpidio: E as in Elpidio,L as in lpidio, p as in pidio, i as inidio, d as in dio, i as in io, and o as in o.
Operator: Sir, can you please use English words.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel: A as in Airport,B as in Because, A as in airport agen, N asin
enemy, Q as in Cuba, U as in Europe, E as inimportant, and L as in elephant.
===========================
This is a Filipino in an American coffee shop:
Waiter: What kind of coffee would you like, regular or decaf?
Pinoy: No, Big cup!! Big cup!
Waiter: What would you like for your breakfast?
Pinoy: Hameneggs.
Waiter: And how do you like your eggs, sir?
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I like dem beri much.
Waiter: No sir, I mean how would you like them cooked?
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I wud like dem cooked.

Waiter: (with increasing impatience) Would you like your eggs…fried? poached? hard boiled or soft boiled?

Pinoy: (with increasing uneasiness) Yes, one fried en one hard boiled or sop boiled.
Waiter: And what bread would you like?
Pinoy: Begyurpardon?
Waiter: What kind of bread would you like? white? rye? whole wheat? toast?
Pinoy: Pan Americano
Waiter: We don’t have that.
Pinoy: Okey, gib me taystee.
Waiter: We don’t have that either, sir.
Pinoy: Do you heb pan de lemon or bonete?

Waiter: Sir, you are wasting my time. I shall ask for the last time, what would you like for breakfast?

Pinoy: Donut plis….
==========================
Two married men talking…
1st man: Swerte ko, my wife is an angel.
2nd man: Buti ka pa, ako ang asawa ko buhay pa.
=========================
Wife : Love, mahal mo ba ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
Wife : Enjoy ka ba sa akin?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kitae h.
Wife : Baka naman niloloko mo lang ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
========================
Anak : Tays! kakains nas tayos!
Tatay : Hoy! Tigilan mo yang kalalagay mo ng ‘S’ sa mga sinasabi mo ha! Ano ba ang ulam ? Anak : BANGU na may KAMATI, ARDINA na may IBUYA !
============================
BISAYA 1 : Unsay ibig sabihon ng “cooling place ” ? BISAYA 2 : Pag-naga ring ang fon, sabihin mo ” Hilow, hus cooling place?
=======================
A man wanted to buy bra for his wife but doesn’t know the size.
Salesgirl ask : “Is it as big as papaya ? ”
Man replied : “No”
Salesgirl : “an apple”
Man : “No”
Salesgirl : “ahh..an egg?”
Man : “YES , but fried!”
======================
Girl 1 : Halata na tiyan mo, bakit di pa kayo magpakasal ng BF mo?
Girl 2 : Ayaw ng pamilya niya eh !
Girl 1 : Sino may ayaw, tatay o nanay niya ?
Girl 2 : yung misis niya !
=========================
Q: What does an American say when he farts?
A: Excuse me
Q: British?
A: Pardon me
Q: Pinoy?
A: Not me!
========================
A Filipino, a Black man, and a White guy are in a bar having a drink, when a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, “Whoever
can use the words ‘liver’ and ‘cheese’ in a creative sentence can date me for tonight.”
So the White guy says “I love liver and cheese.” She says “That’s not good enough” The Black man says “I hate liver and cheese”
She says “That’s not creative” Finally, the Filipino says “Liver alone, cheese mine!”
=============================
SIOPAO TEST
How do you know if siopao meat is made of cat, rat or dog?
Ans: Pinch a piece of siopao and let the cat smell it. If
the cat likes it…rat! If it doesn’t…cat! If it runs…dog!
==========================
What’s the difference between corruption in the USA and corruption in the Philippines?

Ans: In the US, they go to jail. In the Philippines, they go to US!
==========================
Bakit laging Intsik ang kinikidnap?
Kasi pag Pinoy - hulugan!
Pag Bumbay - 5-6!
Pag Kano - credit card!
E pag Intsik - C.O.D.!!!!
========================
TEACHER: What is the formula for water?
ERAP: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O
TEACHER: That’s not what I taught you.
ERAP: But you said the formula for water was…H to O.

Pinoy nga nman!! Ganyan kagaling ang pinoy!!!

Bread Pitt is a bakery.
Maruya Carey is a a fast-food place selling turon and maruya in Greenbelt , Makati
Caintacky Fried Chicken is an eatery in Cainta, Rizal.
Mang Donald’s is a a burger joint at the Naga City plaza.
Candies Be Love? Can anything be sweeter than this?
Doris Day and Night is a a 24-hour eatery.
Babalik Karinderia is obvious.
Holland Hopia is owned by Mr. Ho.
and next-door neighbor Poland Hopia is owned by Mr. Po. in Chinatown
Miki Mao is a a noodle house.
Tapsi Turbi is a a tapa house.
Cleopata’s is a a manukan and bakahan.
Goto Heaven is obvious.
The Fried of Marikina is a a fried chicken house.
Wrap and Roll is a a lumpia outlet at the Quad, Makati .
Pansit ng taga-Malaboni is a a panciteria on Boni Avenue , Mandaluyong.
Side-saki is a a side street eatery beside Mandarin Oriental in Makati
Let’s Goat-Together is a kambingan-cum- beer garden.
Meating Place is a a meat shop.
Meatropolis is a another meat shop.
Isda best,
Pusit to the limit,
and Hipon coming back
are entrees on the menu of a seafood restaurant.
Cinna Von is a laundromat.
Pier Carding is a a tailoring shop in Pier, Manila .
The Way We Wear is a boutique.
Curl Up and Dye is a a beauty salon.
Goldilooks is a barber shop.
Bote Nga Sa ‘Yo is a used bottle shop.
Goldirocks is a gravel and sand shop.
Fernando Pe’s Box Office Hits is a video rental shop in Palawan .
Leon King is a Video Rental in Las Pinas.
Memory Drug is a clone of Mercury Drug.
Petal Attraction is a flower shop near UP Diliman.
Susan’s Roses is a flower shop, but of course!
Maid to Order is a maid-placement agency.
Singalong Sing-along is a karaoke bar in Singalong (where else?).

Pinoy na Pinoy

Halo-Halo!
Halo-halo literally means, “mix-mix”. And its is just that: a mixture of sweetened fruits and beans, lavished with pinipig (crisp flattened rice flakes), sugar and milk, topped by crushed ice and ice cream. You know its summertime when halo-halo stand start sprouting by the roadside and by the beach, all whipping up their heavenly concoctions of such a refreshingly divine dessert. You can make your own by selecting and mixing your ingredients to make a perfect Halo-Halo. Halo-Halo is uniquely, unforgettably Filipino!

KALESA
The kalesa or karitela is a horse-driven carriage that was introduced during the 18th century. It was used by Spanish officials and the nobles as a means of transportation. The Ilustrados, the rich Filipinos who had their own businesses, used the kalesa not only for traveling but as a means a means of transporting their goods as well.

BAKYA
Made primarily of lightwood (laniti and santol trees), it is sculpted with a slope and shaved to a smooth finish, then painted with floral designs or varnished to a high sheen. The upper portions, which are made of rubber or transparent plastic, are fastened to the sides by thumb nails called “clavitos”. The bakya industry prospered during the 1930s when the Filipinos began exporting these to the other countries.

SORBETES
This sweet treat was concocted in the early 1920’s, a time where a single centavo could buy you almost anything. The process of this ice cream making and selling it in carts with colorful designs is still the same. Back in the old days, these ice cream dealers bred their own cows and milked them with their own hands to ensure the freshness and sanitation of the milk needed to make the “dirty ice cream”.

Waling Waling Orchids
With some 800 to 1,000 species of orchids, the Philippines has one of the richest orchid floras in the world. Philippine orchids come in an amazing array of shapes, sizes and colors. Most grow only in old-growth forest, often on branches of huge trees dozens of meters above the forest floor.

Eat Balut!
Unhatched duck’s embryo, another unspeakable ethnic food to outsiders, but oh, to indulge in guilty pleasures! Sprinkle some salt and suck out that soup, with gusto.

PANCIT HABHAB (Lucban)
Made from rice flour, these local noodles acquired its name and developed its unique attraction by the way it is eaten. Otherwise known as Pancit Lucban, these noodles are hawked in the streets and served on a piece of banana leaf, sans fork or any other utensils. Thus, it is eaten straight from the leaf, licking permitted “habhab”-style.

Worlds Smallest Bat
The smallest bat in the world can be found in Subic, Common name : Lesser Flat-headed Bat Scientific name : Tylonycteris pachypus : Head to body (length): 6 cm - 6.2 cm
Forearm length : 2 cm - 2.5 cm
Weight: 1 - 2 grams
Roosting place : bamboo internodes

Bahag

The bahag or loin cloth of the Mountain Province is an exquisitely hand-loomed piece of long cloth that is wrapped around the man’s middle. Much of the modern bahags have found their way to the low land as table runners, serviettes, and other decor and fashion accoutrements.

Source