The Adventure Of Super Kamote

1.Keep things interesting. When
you’ve been together a while it’s easy
to get into the same old routines and
become bored. Make time for each other
like you did when you first met: go on
dates; surprise each other; flirt and
let your partner know you still find
her attractive.

2.Talk, don’t wish! Wishing
things would change is rarely effective
If a problem keeps cropping up in your
relationship talk about it. Avoiding
problems may mean lack of conflict in
the short term but generally leads to
resentment, which damages the
relationship in the long term.

3.Don’t “mind read”, ask for
clarification When we have been with
someone a while it is easy to assume
that we know what the other is thinking
or feeling but we can often get this
wrong. If you are having difficulties
in your relationship it may be because
you are making wrong assumptions about
each other e.g. assuming your partner
is no longer interested in you when in
fact she is anxious about work. If you
do not clarify this it could then lead
to further difficulties; so rather than
assume, ask.

4.Take time out. Whilst it’s good
to make time for each other it’s also
important to have time to do things
without your partner. It’s unrealistic
to expect one person to meet all your
needs. Make space for both you and your
partner to do things apart; you will
then have more things to talk about and
bring to the relationship when you do
spend time together.

5.“Seal the deal” when you are
trying to negotiate/decide something
together. We can often fall into the
trap of each stating our position on
something and then assuming that the
other is in agreement with us. This can
then lead to further misunderstandings
and arguments. So when you have
discussed something check with your
partner what you have decided: “ So
what we are agreeing is…”

6.Asking yourself “What would it
be like to be in a relationship with
me?” can be a sobering question. It
usually takes two to keep a problem
going in a relationship. Consider your
own part in this rather than simply
blaming your partner.

7.Compliment your partner. This
will make both you and your partner
feel good and enhance your
relationship. A good compliment needs
to be sincere and specific and is
different from insincere flattery which
is likely to have a negative affect as
it often feels manipulative.

8.Ask for what you want rather
than negatively criticize. Directly
asking for what we want can often make
us feel vulnerable, as we fear being
rejected. However it is usually far
more successful than complaining about
the things your partner does wrong,
which normally results in
defensiveness. Compare “You never take
me out” with “Could we go out
tonight?”

9.Really listen to your partner
when she is talking. Let her know
you’ve heard what she is saying by
summarizing back, particularly when
there is something you are disagreeing
about e.g. “So what you are saying is
…..”. When your partner feels heard and
understood by you she is more likely to
be open to hearing your position too.

10.Be kind to each other. It can
be easy to fall into the habit of
taking your partner for granted and not
treating her with the same kindness and
respect you used to. Remember you do
not own your partner. She does not have
to stay with you but you can make it
more conducive for her to want to by
treating her as you would like to be
treated yourself.

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 14th, 2007 at 1:03 am and is filed under Advice, Love & Relationship. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.